All In Due Time

My God, you are king

You make the morning dew causing the birds sing

To you be the glory and honor and power

For you are my fortress and strong tower

For you I will sing

With you I will dance

And though your face is hidden behind an angel's wings

Even so I beg and ask for but a glance

You call me beloved and desired

And even though against me, the enemy has conspired

In your promise I will place my trust

 You will deliver me from my affliction

Save me from this ocean which upon the winds gust

In your presence I ask to be made brazen
God you are Just and will hear your servant
You will protect and guide me from the Serpent
To you I give my empire of dirt
Save me from my poor and lonely desert
I trust you to do what is best
Help my unbelief in the rest
May you use me to move mountains
And may I only drink out of your fountains
Only from them is my thirst quenched
From them I pray my soul be drenched
You are my God and Love
For you this is in honor of

Moving Mountains But Tripping Over Molehills

I am going to move a mountain one day. Someday I will change a city. Through faith like a mustard seed, God will use me to do great things. I know it. I believe it. I have faith in God's ability to use me. A strong passion brews inside to do the impossible because I have faith that God can use me for the impossible. This faith is an illusion though.

It just an illusion of progress.

An illusion of closeness with Creator.

I mean really, how easy is it to believe that the Creator of the universe can move a mountain? That He can heal the sick? Maybe even faith that He can save some starving kids in Africa by making it rain a few inches more. It is easy to believe that an all-power, all-knowing God could do this. Pagans since the beginning of time have believed that their gods could do things of this sort. We as Christians are called to a harder type of faith though.

It is easy to believe that God can move mountains, but we are call to trust God with our molehills. This is where the illusion breaks. Where the illusion shatters and cause one to question how faithful they really are.

Once I realized that I am hard pressed trusting God with the little things, I realized how faithless I am. I have a hard time trusting God with the little things, giving Him controls of the small choices. It stems from pride. I know that I am incapable of doing big things on my own, but I often think that I can take on the little stuff on my own. I tell God thanks for helping on the big stuff, then tell Him to step back and let me work on my own.

This is my current struggle. Laying down my pride and giving God control of the molehills. I have to remember that I cannot do anything on my own, cause when I try I fail big time. All I can do is fall on my face and proclaim "Worthy Worthy are You and I being so unworthy need your help"

This is true faith laying everything down at the feet of God and trusting Him to move your mountains and molehills. We must, I must give Him my all and hate my life. Faith is trusting God in every little aspect of your life; even if it's choosing meat over vegetables.

"By faith Abel offered to God a better sacrifice than Cain did." Hebrews 11:4

It's all in the little things..

Can you feel it in the wind. Taste it in the rain. Maybe even see it in the mirror? I can. It's adventure. It's something new. It is just waiting for me to let go and jump, so it can grab me and send me soaring with the eagles. Every bone in my body aches for it. My heart longs it. I need adventure. I believe we all need adventure. We all need to dream of an adventure, for adventure is our calling. Its closer than we think, for we forget that our days are filled with them.

A problem I find is that I believe others to live bigger adventures. Tells of sleeping with lions in Africa. Feeding the hungry in Brazil. Fixing the broken in China. Loving the homeless in San Fransisco. Adventure in is easiest of forms. Something new, novel, and unheard of. Some risk. Some reward. Even thinking of it stirs up quite the passion in my gut. Imagery fills my mind. It is as if I am merely five years of age, I still dream of an adventure. I still wish to be able to walk out the back door and be in a new land of old knights and even older dragons. Oh the adventures that call my name, but I seem unable to answer its call like those around me.

I find myself getting in thought processes like this; I wish of grandeur, but eventually just end up sad and depressed because my dreams never come true. Something I have been realizing though is that adventure is everywhere. I should think it an adventure to be able to arise from bed, as some can not even get that far. To go to college, for half the world dreams of going to college. I should consider it a privilege to be in deep, new discussions on Wednesday nights with young men who are interested in God. Oh the adventure it is to be in a community of friends every Friday night, reading God's divine Word. The daily adventure of getting to know my other half, my love, and the one God has made for me, should destroy me. The hourly adventure of learning of, talking with, and coming close to Jesus the One who saved me; such an adventure should set my heart on fire and my soul in tears. All of these things should be my focus, for they are my day to day adventures. The things God has blessed me with currently.

But I forget. I lack faith in God to give me adventures in my day to day life. It is something I wish to fix. I want every boring minute of every day to be an adventure in God. I want getting out of bed to be so risky, I think about it for a second before jumping out. I want to take pride in the little adventures, and stop being depressed that I am not living someone else's life. For adventure is all around you and me. We must merely grab the horns and ride it like it's are last chance to live. Let's stop wasting the little things, for they are what make the big things.

“Life is either a great adventure or nothing.”~Helen Keller

Prasing God Like Wooing the Love of Your Youth

So I realize that the title only works for guys sorry ladies. I hope this still makes sense.

I'm a romantic. Always have been. I remember my mom saying, "go to bed romeo" after I got in trouble for writing love letters in junior high. I'm a hopeless, hopeful romantic. Which is both a blessing and a curse. Blessing in that I am not worried about failing my wife too much when it comes to loving her romantically; but a curse in that until then it gets me in trouble.

My problem is that I forget God wants a hopeless romance. I forget to be romantic with the my first Lover. I can sit and write all morning about the love of my youth, but will only spend five minutes tops about praising God. And even when I do write about Him it is no great work of art. No masterful, skillfully weaved rhetoric piece of writing. I fail at being romantic with God.

"I belong to my beloved,

and his desire is for me."

Song of Solomon 7:10 

If God is my beloved then why am I not busy loving him? God deserves to be wooed just as much as my love of this life. He too longs for me to spend timeless minutes staring at His creation, telling Him of his beauty. 

 

This is just my struggle right now. My thoughts. I want to spend more time writing about, sitting with, staring at God. Just as foolishly as young lovers do. 

"God you are beautiful. Your creation proves this. I want to be recklessly in love with you. To live with the hopes of being able to breath the same air as you, even if it is only for a minute. You are God and the one who created this earth and it is good. How you created such beauty I will never know. Your love drives me and makes me whole. You are wondrous so much that thesaurus get exhausted when I try to describe you. I like you my God. You bring happiness to my heart in the times of trouble, and joy to my life in times of blessings. Oh, how great a love story we have my God, my King. You search after me when I stray and always tell me how you have missed me when I return. You are honest, just, and mine. Thank you my Beloved. Thank you. 

Your young lover,

Christian

Ps I like you."

Discontented Purpose

The White Which: "Give me your hand Edmund. I can make you a man. 

You can be my king. Together we can rule all of Narnia once again."

In the final battle of the new Narnia Edmund is faced with a tempting offer. It isn't the first time that Edmund has been asked this question. In the first movie he takes this proposal and it ends up costing Aslan's life to free Edmund. And ever since evil found his weak spot it has tried time after time to appeal to his Achilles heel, to the want of his heart. 

Edmund hearts desire is to be a the king he once was. In all honestly, who can blame him. He ruled for years as High Prince of Narnia only to get thrown back into puberty. To be a man trapped in a teenager's body and having to follow such rules is not a pleasant thing. I find this age to be very unbecoming to a man because respect is hard and rare to earn. So I do not blame Edmund for this wish to be respected, its his doubting of purpose that is where his sin lies. 

In the final battle when Edmund is lastly tested he is faced with two questions: take the witches hand, or slay the sea serpent about to kill everyone. Power and manhood, or danger and possible death. For us looking at it the answer is easy, but for those tempted it is an impossible task. For in that instant we forget the death of the One that was so that we can have a purpose. Just as Edmund, we hesitate to the desires of our heart.  We forget that we have purpose, that there is a ship full of people counting on us to slay our serpent and accomplish are purpose.

I look at Edmund and cannot help but to think "what an idiot". His purpose, the things he was called to do was so much greater than anything I could hope to do. But this is were the sin is, no matter how "big" or "small" of a purpose we have humans seem ever to be content with it. We get stuck on what we think we need to be, or what we see as meaningful. We fail to trust that God's purpose is sufficient.

There is a flip side too. Sometimes we can be to prideful in our purpose. This is what plagued Peter in the second movie. He was so sure of himself and his ability to lead that he did not wait on Aslan, and ended up sacrificing the lives of half of the men he was to protect. Because of pride in his purpose, he failed his purpose.

John the baptist is a good example of a man who was content with his purpose. He did not question whether or not he was important enough. He knew that God had called him to eat bugs, wear dirty camel's fur and he loved it. He also did not become prideful in knowing that he had many followers, or that he was one of the holiest guys in his day. He even flat out talks about his purpose being a gift of which he is not worthy; he says “A person can receive only what is given them from heaven."

I like gifts. A true if is given freely. It can be also taken away. Nothing I did earned me that gift. As long as we remember this we have no choice except to stay humble. We also have no choice but to stay joyful. God chose us out of all the other people to bless with this one purpose. Whether we are stuck cleaning toilets or pasturing a mega church, God chose us to do the work needed to be done. God gave us a purpose. Be content with it.

Doubting the Love of My Lover

Aslan: "Oh, my dear what have you done."

Lucy: "I am sorry. I did not want to do it."

Aslan: "Yet you still did."

I watched the new Narnia yesterday. I was good. So many simple truths about God. This was one dialog that stood out. Lucy has just uttered a spell in which she turns into her older sister Susan. By turning into Susan, Lucy had spoken her self out of existence. Once she realized the "heaviness" of the situation Aslan pulled her out of her fake, Narnia-less reality. Queue in the above conversation. 

This was such a powerful scene because I do the same every day. Lucy wished to be her sister because she believed Susan to be of great beauty and worth. Far surpassing her own worth. Lucy was given a dagger and some medicine, Susan was given a power filled horn and never failing bow. Lucy was a young girl, Susan was a grown woman upon which the eyes of man were never satisfied. Lucy doubted her worth, her beauty in comparison to that of her sister. She doubted Aslan's view of her. His promise was not enough. 

I am in constant doubt of God. Of His promise in Song of Soloman 7:10 or Psalms 139:14. Doubting that he created me holy, with a purpose, and that He loves me. Because of my doubt I often make choices that I end up regretting once faced with the Truth. Lucy goes on to say how she did not want it all, she just wished to be beautiful. Which is the same thing I say once God roars truth into my face; "I only wanted to feel good, I didn't mean to cause pain", or "I was only trying to be helpful by doing it on my own, I didn't mean to push You away."

Constantly I am losing sight of God's promises about me. That I am wonderfully made. His desire is for me. That I am worthy to Him. I forget these vows that comes with this marriage we called Christianity.

For me forgetting His promises is best seen when I forget His love for me and the love I will one day share with the goddess He has made to be my wife. Instead of holding onto this hope and knowledge I trade His eternal Love for a fake, poisonous reality. I trade a proud Father for a computer and an old sock. I trade a promise for the horrid thought that that promise has been betrayed.

I do not think there with be pain in heaven, but I do think that there will be a moment of regret. Once we get there we will see all of our mistakes and simply say, "oh". That "oh" will be when we realize the betrayal of God's promise and everything will could have done better. It will be when we realize we should have never doubted.

What is your doubt? For some it could be that of worth; maybe you know God has forgiven you, but you cannot forgive yourself. You doubt that you are worthy of forgiveness. Possibly like Lucy you forget that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. We must write the words of God on our hearts if this doubt is to end, for God has something so much better planned.

But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

James 1:6

Worshiping like a sailor cusses

It's been awhile now that I have been thinking about this, my worship through song has lost it's intimacy. Which flows into all my other forms of worship it seems. I no long realize the heaviness of the words I am singing nor the fact that I am singing to the Lord Most High. All the songs are just memorized prose in my head. The majority of my thoughts focused on problems or thoughts in my head while my body auto-pilots in a "worship manner" (heaven forbid someone see me not singing or standing up).

It's annoying.

I have become like a sailor's cussing with my worship: without thought; without purpose. It is mindless, reasonless worship. There is no love. No intimacy. No connection. Nothing. Like a sailor I just auto-pilot through my words. A sailor just says whatever comes out without adding meaning to a slur. I just sing without adding meaning to a song.

I hate it.

I want a intimate, exhaustive, and pregnant time of worship with God. So powerful and filling that I have nothing to do but fall on my face. Free from the worry of others thoughts. Me, God, and a guitar. I want to mean it when a say "Your grace is enough" or "I give you my heart". I do not want to keep this mindless worship going, for I believe it to be more harmful and dangerous than mindless cussing.

Give me your heart. May I scoot next to You in the car. Draw me close to you and never let me go. Bind my wandering heart to three, prone to wander Lord I feel it. Bring me back to the heart of worship, You and me. My heart for Yours. My love for Yours. 

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow