It's been awhile now that I have been thinking about this, my worship through song has lost it's intimacy. Which flows into all my other forms of worship it seems. I no long realize the heaviness of the words I am singing nor the fact that I am singing to the Lord Most High. All the songs are just memorized prose in my head. The majority of my thoughts focused on problems or thoughts in my head while my body auto-pilots in a "worship manner" (heaven forbid someone see me not singing or standing up).
It's annoying.
I have become like a sailor's cussing with my worship: without thought; without purpose. It is mindless, reasonless worship. There is no love. No intimacy. No connection. Nothing. Like a sailor I just auto-pilot through my words. A sailor just says whatever comes out without adding meaning to a slur. I just sing without adding meaning to a song.
I hate it.
I want a intimate, exhaustive, and pregnant time of worship with God. So powerful and filling that I have nothing to do but fall on my face. Free from the worry of others thoughts. Me, God, and a guitar. I want to mean it when a say "Your grace is enough" or "I give you my heart". I do not want to keep this mindless worship going, for I believe it to be more harmful and dangerous than mindless cussing.
Give me your heart. May I scoot next to You in the car. Draw me close to you and never let me go. Bind my wandering heart to three, prone to wander Lord I feel it. Bring me back to the heart of worship, You and me. My heart for Yours. My love for Yours.
Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow
