Discontented Purpose

The White Which: "Give me your hand Edmund. I can make you a man. 

You can be my king. Together we can rule all of Narnia once again."

In the final battle of the new Narnia Edmund is faced with a tempting offer. It isn't the first time that Edmund has been asked this question. In the first movie he takes this proposal and it ends up costing Aslan's life to free Edmund. And ever since evil found his weak spot it has tried time after time to appeal to his Achilles heel, to the want of his heart. 

Edmund hearts desire is to be a the king he once was. In all honestly, who can blame him. He ruled for years as High Prince of Narnia only to get thrown back into puberty. To be a man trapped in a teenager's body and having to follow such rules is not a pleasant thing. I find this age to be very unbecoming to a man because respect is hard and rare to earn. So I do not blame Edmund for this wish to be respected, its his doubting of purpose that is where his sin lies. 

In the final battle when Edmund is lastly tested he is faced with two questions: take the witches hand, or slay the sea serpent about to kill everyone. Power and manhood, or danger and possible death. For us looking at it the answer is easy, but for those tempted it is an impossible task. For in that instant we forget the death of the One that was so that we can have a purpose. Just as Edmund, we hesitate to the desires of our heart.  We forget that we have purpose, that there is a ship full of people counting on us to slay our serpent and accomplish are purpose.

I look at Edmund and cannot help but to think "what an idiot". His purpose, the things he was called to do was so much greater than anything I could hope to do. But this is were the sin is, no matter how "big" or "small" of a purpose we have humans seem ever to be content with it. We get stuck on what we think we need to be, or what we see as meaningful. We fail to trust that God's purpose is sufficient.

There is a flip side too. Sometimes we can be to prideful in our purpose. This is what plagued Peter in the second movie. He was so sure of himself and his ability to lead that he did not wait on Aslan, and ended up sacrificing the lives of half of the men he was to protect. Because of pride in his purpose, he failed his purpose.

John the baptist is a good example of a man who was content with his purpose. He did not question whether or not he was important enough. He knew that God had called him to eat bugs, wear dirty camel's fur and he loved it. He also did not become prideful in knowing that he had many followers, or that he was one of the holiest guys in his day. He even flat out talks about his purpose being a gift of which he is not worthy; he says “A person can receive only what is given them from heaven."

I like gifts. A true if is given freely. It can be also taken away. Nothing I did earned me that gift. As long as we remember this we have no choice except to stay humble. We also have no choice but to stay joyful. God chose us out of all the other people to bless with this one purpose. Whether we are stuck cleaning toilets or pasturing a mega church, God chose us to do the work needed to be done. God gave us a purpose. Be content with it.

Doubting the Love of My Lover

Aslan: "Oh, my dear what have you done."

Lucy: "I am sorry. I did not want to do it."

Aslan: "Yet you still did."

I watched the new Narnia yesterday. I was good. So many simple truths about God. This was one dialog that stood out. Lucy has just uttered a spell in which she turns into her older sister Susan. By turning into Susan, Lucy had spoken her self out of existence. Once she realized the "heaviness" of the situation Aslan pulled her out of her fake, Narnia-less reality. Queue in the above conversation. 

This was such a powerful scene because I do the same every day. Lucy wished to be her sister because she believed Susan to be of great beauty and worth. Far surpassing her own worth. Lucy was given a dagger and some medicine, Susan was given a power filled horn and never failing bow. Lucy was a young girl, Susan was a grown woman upon which the eyes of man were never satisfied. Lucy doubted her worth, her beauty in comparison to that of her sister. She doubted Aslan's view of her. His promise was not enough. 

I am in constant doubt of God. Of His promise in Song of Soloman 7:10 or Psalms 139:14. Doubting that he created me holy, with a purpose, and that He loves me. Because of my doubt I often make choices that I end up regretting once faced with the Truth. Lucy goes on to say how she did not want it all, she just wished to be beautiful. Which is the same thing I say once God roars truth into my face; "I only wanted to feel good, I didn't mean to cause pain", or "I was only trying to be helpful by doing it on my own, I didn't mean to push You away."

Constantly I am losing sight of God's promises about me. That I am wonderfully made. His desire is for me. That I am worthy to Him. I forget these vows that comes with this marriage we called Christianity.

For me forgetting His promises is best seen when I forget His love for me and the love I will one day share with the goddess He has made to be my wife. Instead of holding onto this hope and knowledge I trade His eternal Love for a fake, poisonous reality. I trade a proud Father for a computer and an old sock. I trade a promise for the horrid thought that that promise has been betrayed.

I do not think there with be pain in heaven, but I do think that there will be a moment of regret. Once we get there we will see all of our mistakes and simply say, "oh". That "oh" will be when we realize the betrayal of God's promise and everything will could have done better. It will be when we realize we should have never doubted.

What is your doubt? For some it could be that of worth; maybe you know God has forgiven you, but you cannot forgive yourself. You doubt that you are worthy of forgiveness. Possibly like Lucy you forget that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. We must write the words of God on our hearts if this doubt is to end, for God has something so much better planned.

But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

James 1:6